If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
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