he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
Randomize
