Christians are straight up FREAKS
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Randomize
