I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
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