So I think I might still secretly love him despite the ass licking...
Hey ass licking is a very nice and intimate thing! Don't discredit your feelings
But what if he licks everyones ass?
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Randomize
