Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
the raccoons are back...
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