I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
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