As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
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