plz talk dirty to me
____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
Randomize
