Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
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