Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
Randomize
