weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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