smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
The beer is more important than you right now.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
Randomize
