The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
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