evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
