I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
Randomize
