a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
