I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
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