You're so nebulous sometimes
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
Randomize
