P.S. I can't hear my feet
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
