he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
My ATM looks so different sober.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
Randomize
