I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
