the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
