this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
