Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
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