I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
Randomize
