last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
