I hope mine doesn't look like that
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
Randomize
