There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
Text me some of your sweat
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Randomize
