i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
Randomize
