My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
