I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
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