Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
