I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
Randomize
