Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
