Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
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