Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
Randomize
