he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
