Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
people are starting to question the shark bite story
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
Randomize
