I think i peed on brittanys purse
stop calling my apartment porn island.
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
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