so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
Randomize
