Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
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