I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
Where you are. You must stay where you are are
Where you are. You must stay where you are arewhere are youu
Where you are. You must stay where you 5eare wher are you!!
Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
