you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
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