I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
