Soap is not a condiment
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
high people should be assigned attendants
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
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