Screwed.edu
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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