She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
I stole a fireplace last night.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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