There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
Randomize
