Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
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