But honestly u used to be a cool guy and lately uve been superame(734): Superlame
I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
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