Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
Randomize
