Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Randomize
