I molested 6 butterflies tonight
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
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