She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
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