I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
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