i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize
