3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
You have to summon your inner elephant
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Randomize
