the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize
