Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
