he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
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