alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
