Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
i was born a porn star she said
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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