so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Randomize
