Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Randomize
