Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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