This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
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