Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize
